Sunday, 27 November 2011

This weekends (Christmas!) finds.

It has become our Saturday morning routine and somehow LV gets just as excited as I do about hitting the thrift shops. It might be the promise of a visit to Cafe Nero at the end of the run of shops or it might be that she simply enjoys spending quality time with her thrift obsessed mother (unlikely), who knows, but it works.

Here's what we picked up:

Delightfully decorative bows for the tree.

Pink baubles.

A fab vase.

We also managed to find some coloured tree lights for £3, a hanging glass Christmas picture and a vtec laptop for LV....success.

I think this will be our last session before Christmas, the next few weekends are booked up with birthday and Christmas parties (horay!), but this assumes I can stay away.


Friday, 25 November 2011

Train etiquette part deux.

Following on from my post on train etiquette here I genuinely thought that I'd covered almost every eventuality and addressed the best approach to selecting the most appropriate carriage/seat etc. You might even think that I'd mastered the art of sensible seat selection? well, if this afternoon's journey was anything to go by it's essential that you do not follow my lead.

As I trudged past the carriages closet to the station, with a smirk on my face armed with the assumption that most people are lazy and board the train at the nearest carriage, imagine my shock as I stepped on to the last carriage to discover it was nearly full! Very nearly, but not quite, so I positioned myself in one of the two vacant spaces, the smugness rising again as I celebrated the fact that I had two spaces to myself. My joy was short-lived as a massive man with both a noisy newspaper and an imaginary friend (he was chatting away to himself) clunked down next to me. Great, not only was he massive (code for arm rest stealer) he was deranged and I was about to spend the next 2 hours fearing for my life. Thankfully it turned out he wasn't deranged and instead had one of those ear piece things in so I revelled in the fact I was not about to be killed.

My delight did not last long, he continued to chatter away to what must have been his wife/mistress (he wore a ring but you can never be too sure) in what I can only assume he thought was a whisper. A whisper it was not and when the conversation took a turn I can only describe as pornographic I had to implement my best skills of distraction, I was already trying to compose a power point presentation but I had to start singing in my head as I tried to  block out his attempted hushed chat which seemed to be focused around the topic of spanking! Yup. Freaked out I continued to type away as he continued to hit patch of no reception, call back, lose connection, call back, lose reception...for 2 hours!

The moral of this story is if you see me on a train, do not sit near me, I attract a peculiar sort. I didn't move because there was nowhere else to sit, otherwise I would have definitely employed that tactic....I cannot promise that this is the end of my train tales as for the next two weeks I'm up and down the country like a yo yo so watch this space.

In summary:
When the person sat next to you starts talking filth, to you or even on the phone...move...unless you need to work and there's nowhere else to sit in which case you could politely ask that they stop talking filth but be prepared that they might try and kill you. Hopefully not, but there's always a risk.


Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Christmas Day outfits?

We have always made a big deal about dressing up all jazzy for Christmas day, when I was little it would be a 'flippy' dress (I wonder where LV's obsession comes from?!)' but now I get to find swish outfits for the both of us..horay!




1. Warehouse Top £45.
2. Warehouse Dress £45
3. Reiss Blouse £110
4. Monsoon  Top £38
5. Monsoon Dress £65

My faves are 1 (for Christmas day), 4 (for Christmas eve) and 5, (I'll find a reason).

LV's top 5 coming soon.

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Say what LV?

On the phone to my mum:
LV: Nanny, why has tinkerbell got meatballs on her feet?
Queue hysterical laughter from me, my mum rolled with it and focused on meatballs as a topic for further conversation.

Sunday, 20 November 2011

We came, we baked, we conquered.

Mixed spice biscuits were on today's agenda and we had a real hoot making these bad boys. They tasted great, but when we do them again we'll bake them for 15-20 mins rather than 30mins...there's potential for tooth cracking with these puppies.

We used:

350g plain flour
100g unsalted butter
150g soft brown sugar
1 egg
4 tbsp golden syrup
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp mixed spice

1. Cream the butter and sugar together.
2. Add the egg and syrup, combine.
3 Sift the flour, cinnamon and mixed spice into the wet ingredients slowly and fold.
4. Roll out on a floured board and have a little helper use their cute cutters to make fab biscuits.
5. Bake at 140 degrees on a tray lined with greaseproof paper for 30mins.
6. Eat when warm to avoid a trip to the dentist....or dip in tea,.....or cook for less time.


Saturday, 19 November 2011

Christmas thrifting.

LV slept in this morning, I didn't hear the sweet, delicate sound of her calling 'MUMMMMM...MUMMMM...MUMMY, MUMMY, MUMMMMMMYYYYYYY' until 7am. Every morning I get that sick feeling that I used to get when my mum and dad used to wake us in the night to get us in the car to go on holiday, then it was a bit queasy and lots of excitement, now it's just a lot queasy. Anyway, we got up and prepped for a morning of our (my) most favourite hobby...thrifting, yay. Today I found what might just be my most favourite find of all time (apart from the working typewriter), 5 beautiful Vintage Christmas Baubles! Horay.

We just need a festive white tree to hang them on...(I'm still working on this with Rob...he has suggested we spray paint the tree we have white instead of buying one...err no thanks!)

A wise old owl for LV's collection.

A lovely wicker magazine rack.

And a fairy costume.

I'm pleased, in fact I'm ecstatic about the baubles. So much so that I'm wondering whether we should decorate for Christmas next weekend.....may the campaign (to convince Rob that it's not too soon) commence, I might pop Elf on, soften him up.

Friday, 18 November 2011

Empty threats part 2: The Meltdown.

Following a decision to start following through on our threats/topics for negotiation in order to try and raise a well disciplined, polite, friendly child this week has been a fact, it's been a total nightmare. I've arrived at nursery to collect LV every evening this week with high hopes that magically her tantrums and lack of listening would have improved, but unforuntately this was not the case and on Wednesday night we experienced what can only be described as a meltdown. On Wednesday night I arrived to collect LV, as I reached the top of the stairs leading to her class, she was there to greet me with words no tired mother wants to hear:
LV 'I'm in trouble, I've been told off, I've not been very kind'
Me 'Oh dear, what's happened?'
LV 'scissors, Charlotte'
Naturally my first thought is 'Oh my Christ she's stabbed Charlotte'...thankfully I was wrong.
LV 'I chopped her hair'
Me 'Oh my goodness LV you should never chop peoples hair!'
LV 'Even at hairdressers mummy'
Me 'ummmm well, hairdressers can, but not children, I'm really sad about this LV'
LV 'ok'
Me 'Well, I think we'll have to get home and talk to daddy about this'
LV 'yep'
It transpired that LV and her friend Charlotte had attempted to cut each others hair, luckily the scissors were too blunt to cut their hair. phew. So we arrive home.
LV 'I'll have some beans and toast please'
Me 'you can have a piece of toast but no beans tonight LV, I need to see some nice behaviour from you before you get to enjoy nice food' (Like beans are a major treat! LV has a snack after nursery, she has her dinner there, I'm not withholding food when she's genuinely hungry...I'm not evil)
LV 'I want beans'
Me 'I said no'
Queue the most dramatic meltown we've ever seen...kicking, screaming, flailing, wailing, shouting, crying, hitting....we were stunned into silence. This was a new experience. She threw her piece of toast across the room...I collected it up and put it into the bin (cringing in anticipation of her reaction)..she didn't disappoint. More flailing, wailing and writhing around on the floor. This lasted half an hour and then she gave up, she apologised and asked to go to bed. We followed shortly after exhausted by the meltdown, but I think we made some progress. She has behaved a lot better the last few days and has been on her best behaviour...hmmmm surely one meltdown can't be it?! I'll keep you posted.

Queen of the meltdown : Master of disguise.


Monday, 14 November 2011

Empty threats.

At yesterday's birthday party I was talking to a couple of mums about how to manage undesirable toddler behaviour, what techniques work for them etc. Since LV moved up a class at nursery all I ever seem to hear from her is:
'You're not my best friend...'
'You're not being very kind'
'I'm not happy'
'It's not fair'
So I know that she's just parroting the words she hears at nursery but I'm quite keen to set some boundaries and actually follow through on the consequences that I negotiate with. Previously I have made empty threats....:
'Right, they'll be no playing with your friends tomorrow at nursery' (Without taking a day off work I cannot follow through on this one)
'Right, they'll be no cafe Nero this weekend' (I can't get through the weekend without an Almond's my highlight!)
'Right, well, Santa will need to know about this' (lies, and a bit mean really)

It became apparent during this chat that I was the only one who didn't follow through with the threats they made...ouch, bad mum raising undiciplined child.

So, after the party when LV refused to listen to my simple instruction not to keep putting the tie of a balloon in her mouth I asked her:

 Me 'Do you want mummy to put that balloon in the bin?'
LV 'Yes';
Me 'Really, because if you keep putting it in your mouth I will have to pop it and put it in the bin'
LV 'Yes, put it in the bin'
Oh my God....Really?! She was testing me....yuk yuk, my three year old is manipulating me. She puts the balloon in her mouth again.
Me 'Right bring me that balloon please'
LV 'Ok, here you go'

I walk into the kitchen, pop the balloon and put it in the bin, queue wails....tears.....pleas (too late)....I feel awful and a bit panicked....did I go too far...will she hate me forever? Hopefully not. Hopefully she won't put another balloon tie in her mouth, if she does, hopefully the mention of popping it will deter her from doing it again because now she knows I'll do it? I win because I'm true to my word? hmmmmmm the winning doesn't feel very good. Thankfully she wasn't bothered for long, maybe I'll just never let her touch another balloon again...that way I won't have to make the threat, follow through on the threat or appear weak by not following through on the threat. Simple. No more balloons, ever, easy. Phew, glad that one's resolved now GET THAT STICKER OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!!! ahhhhhhhh


Don't forget to wave!

Admittedly, as I drop LV at nursery I tend to have a fair few things on my mind...making it to the bus on time, early meetings, have I remembered to pack her wellies/gloves/hat etc so it threw me this morning when LV's keyworker said 'now don't forget to wave today mum, you forgot on Friday, u were too busy chatting to another mum and we had lots of tears' WTF? Firstly, I hate that she calls me mum, I'm not her mum, it's weird. Secondly give me a freaking break, so I forgot to wave, once, LV survived she hasn't been scarred for life by me not waving, once! Then as if this wasn't crushing enough a mum coming up the stairs said 'my husband witnessed it' and who the hell are you lady?! You'd think regardless of the fact this random woman and her husband had been talking about my abandoning parenting skills that they would keep it to themselves! Surely. So, I left nursery feeling retched and stood outside in the freezing cold waving up at LV in the window for five minutes, LV got bored and left the window..I out waved her..I really hope the worlds best mum/best cruella de ville impersonator was watching so she can report back to her husband. Super start to the day!

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Martini please...

I'm working through some self inflicted woozy moments today. After a night out razzing in Leeds I drove back (in very foggy conditions...stressful!) to the land of Robin Hood  to attend a children's party where 15 manic 3 year old rampaged around having the best time EVER! Apart from when they did the grand old duke of york and LV threw a hissy fit, once I'd managed to calm her down she claimed that she hated the york march. Ok then. Thankfully there was food and a chair so I'm pleased to say I survived.

I drank Malibu last night, accidentally, and have been reminded of that fact at regular intervals throughout today. This was not through choice. I usually drink Martini, lime and soda but due to a communication breakdown as I bellowed my order at Ally whilst the music in Prohibition blasted out she ordered me a Malibu, that's right, a Malibu, lime and soda. It was was a taste sensation as I took a slurp of what I'd expected to be Martini to be confronted with a blast of fizzy coconut with a hint of lime. I drank it all the same and am still enjoying the fruity taste now. Well, when I say enjoying I mean, not enjoying, unenjoying, there is no enjoyment in the way I currently feel.

With the festive season fast approaching I fear I will be feeling this quesy/tired regularly over the coming weeks. However next time I accidently get a Malibu, lime and soda I just won't drink it, simple. So you might say that some good came out of last night. I am much wiser today, I will not be drinking Malibu with lime and soda again.

The Malibu orderer.

Emily and the Malibu drinker.

You would be mistaken if you thought that I looked like I was using the arm of the chair to help myself into a standing position, the actual truth is that when the photo was taken with my arm against my body I looked a  right unit so I took action, I think this was take 3.

Friday, 11 November 2011

Say what LV?

LV Can I have a narma please mummy?
Me Yes if you can ask me again for a banana
LV Can I have a banarma mummy?
Me Yes you can if you just try your best to say banana
LV banana
Me Well done, I'll get you a banana

So I go into the kitchen, no bananas, oh dear

Me Sorry LV we don't have any bananas

LV Oh, maybe I'll have a suma?
Me Yes you can if you can ask me for a satsuma?

Luckily, I could deliver on this one.

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Mortifying moment of the day.

When I looked at LV with my razor sharp stare in an attempt to stop her misbehaving in a busy supermarket and she shouts " Please don't phone Santa mummy...please!". Brilliant, now I'm officially rubbish.

Sunday, 6 November 2011

Christmas and Cuteness.

I didn't mean to go out and buy Christmas decorations, but that's what happened. I love Homesense, I can't deny it, it has never let me down and I can't think of a time I have ever left Homesense empty handed...ever! So here are the most fabulous owl Christmas tree decorations you ever did see.

And here's a photo of the little gem that rocks our world, Christmas is going to be such a hoot with this little trickster around:


Saturday, 5 November 2011

Back in the habit.

Yes, it's true. I managed to get myself (with LV in tow) down to the charity shops first thing and boy am I glad I did.

I picked up two of these lovely kitsch glasses and the most beautiful crocheted runner.

Friday, 4 November 2011

Mummy I chopped Liz.

LV moved upstairs at nursery two weeks ago, all was going well, until this week. We've had reports of moons instead of suns on behaviour charts, plenty of time kicking back in 'time out', a collision which resulted in a significant bruise, but most seriously a 'chopping' incident. Yes, my three year old is a crazed, chopping, pain inflicting, danger-mouse! She attempted, but did not succeed in chopping her key-worker simply to get her attention....well, it worked she certainly got the attention she wanted. If that's not bad enough this incident was followed with another...

Me 'Hi LV, have you had a good day'
LV 'Yes but Liz told me off'
Me 'Oh no, why?'
LV 'Because George cried'
Me 'Why did George cry?'
LV 'Because he banged his head......on my leg'
Me 'oh, how did that happen'
LV 'I lifted my leg and his head banged it, he banged my leg...I didn't cry'
Me 'Poor George'
LV 'Poor LV'

I find these interactions too funny to worry about her behaviour. Then, today in Morrison's:

LV 'I want a treat'
Me 'uh, after this week I don't think so'
LV 'how about a hamster'
Me 'pardon, did you say a hamster?'
LV 'Yes, a hamster, called Julian'

WHAT???? I need to be stricter, but first I need to suppress my laughter.


Thursday, 3 November 2011

All Hallows' Eve.

As I stood in the queue at Sa waiting to pay for the naffest witch costume I'd ever seen dreading the scene in the morning where LV refused to wear the costume I'd wasted £12 on because 'it's not flippy enough' I made the mental decision not to buy it. I'd make one instead. The main issue was that I'd made this decision on Sunday 30th October at 4pm. Leaving me just a few hours to make LV a Halloween costume for nursery the next day. I settled on simple....she could go as a black cat. I already had a black long sleeved top, black leggings and a cat mask (I wore the mask on my hen do, I forget why!) so the only thing I had to make was a tail. Excellent. I made her a tail out of black tights stuffed with other tights, sewed the tail onto a belt made again out of a leg of tights and painted the end white. Easy peasy. Saintly costume making mother. I tried to generate some excitement the night before telling LV she'd be dressing up..
LV ' As a princess?'
Me 'no'
LV 'As a bunny again?'
Me 'no, not this time, you'll be dressing up as a cat'
LV 'no thank you mummy'
Me ' yay, it'll be so exciting, you'll have a tail and I'll paint whiskers on your face...'
LV 'Whiskers? Ok then mummy'
However, she was not happy about the costume.....she liked the face paint...but refused to wear the mask after this photo was taken:

Desperately reaching out to be saved from her homemade costume obsessed mother.

After being in nursery for around 10 minutes she spilt water all down herself and had to change into pink can't be a black cat with pink leggings on. Costume ruined. Next year I'm going to be prepared and I will hunt down the best shop bought costume ever....or if I make one, I'll leave myself enough time to do a less embarrassing job.
Note to self - buy a pumpkin the week before Halloween, leaving it until 4pm on 30th October means ALL the shops will have sold out. Fail.