Thursday, 26 January 2012

Say what LV?

Setting the scene, pj's are on and I'm walking LV up to bed:

LV: Benjamin bit me
Me: oh no, that's not nice, did u tell the teacher?
(based on the assumption Benjamin is a boy from nursery) LV: No, I'm telling you mummy
Me: ok, well I don't think that's very nice behaviour so I'm going to speak to your teacher tomorrow
LV: Why?
Me: Because I don't think biting is very friendly and you should tell your teacher if it happens again
LV: And then he pooed on me
Me: (in my head) Holy Shit, what kind of nursery is this, who are this child's parents????
Me: (out loud) oh my goodness LV when? Where?
LV: Yesterday. When I was in bed Me: What bed?
LV: My little bed upstairs

I ponder this.....I realise.....Benjamin is not a boy, he's a toy rabbit.

Me: oh LV, Benjamin didn't bite or pooh on you, he's pretend
LV: He bit me and pooed on me, by pretend
Me: oh ok then

She gets into bed

LV: will you watch me sleep
Me: yep, ok
LV: but don't bite me
Me: I'd never bite you poppet
LV: and don't pooh on me
Me: I can promise you I will never ever do that
LV: ok, night mummy
Me: night sweetie

Another night passes in the house of peculiar conversation.

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Hi, is this Alfie?

LV has been psyched about starting swimming lessons for months, well, as psyched as a 3 year old can get, but she was definitely super excited. Rob was almost as excited as LV as he usually takes LV swimming but unfortunately for him he had to work the day of her first lesson. The job was mine, I was to take LV to her first swimming lesson. My excitement was dulled down by the fact that I don't own a swimming costume and I cringed at the thought of showing up in my holiday bikini as the other mums tutted at my inappropriate attire for a child's swimming class, but I needn't have worried, thankfully the mums don't need to get in the water...phew, my bikini stayed firmly under my faux 'gym attire', I say faux because I very rarely exercise but I wanted to look the part for LV. So I walked LV over to the swimming teacher (she had a tshirt that said Swimming Teacher, sensible)and was confronted with what I can only describe as a total fox (blonde, tanned, fit, 21 etc) suddenly Robs desperation to get LV booked in with this particular class became very clear...tut. But then she said 'Hi is this Alfie?' ummmm no this is not Alfie! This is my girl daughter, LV.. the main reason she is wearing a swimming costume and not swimming trunks is because SHE is a girl!! Awkward. What I actually said was 'no, this is LV'. So LV throws her costume clad self into the pool and has a whale of a time. I grinned, clapped, cheered on from the poolside and had a hoot. I'll be taking her again Saturday, Robs in work again...(unlucky), but this time I might really mess with the fox and take LV in a pair of trunks. I suppose when u're that beautiful being able to identify the gender of your class members is irrelevant...I just thought it was a skill most people had..maybe not, I'll put the fox to the test Saturday. Xo

Monday, 2 January 2012

Patience of a saint.

As the festivities dwindle and Christmas becomes a distant memory I thought it time to get posting again! Hurrah. We had a lovely Christmas with family and a fabulous New Year with friends (who are still here, horay, even though they're still fast asleep - LV and I have been up for 2.5 hours already! Just saying). So it seems appropriate to put my mind to New Years resolutions...I usually make some and keep none, but this year's different, this year is the year I develop the patience of a saint. No-one has ever accused me of being patient, it's never been a character trait I put too much thought into, that was until 2011 when I was tested to my limit by the bold LV. Motherhood requires patience and I've managed to coast along so far with only a few minor incidents where a dollop of patience would have diffused a potentially disastrous altercation, including 'the boots incident', so that's my main objective for 2012, be more patient, but in order to make this commitment I had to reach breaking point, and that's exactly what I did, approximately 4 days ago. 'The Boots incident' As LV and I navigated the aisles of our local Boots store I was oblivious to the meltdown that was brewing in LV, as far as I was concerned we were having some lovely mother and daughter bonding time, there was the intention to go to Cafe Nero ( this we had discussed). I showered her with praise for walking the 15 minutes into town without asking to be carried, we were onto a winner, or so I thought. She even picked out a new was good, and then it happened. As we stood at the till point she started writhing around on the floor (no reason), I kept my cool (even though the panic was rising), I suggested she get up, my suggestion was brutally rebuffed. I helped her back onto her feet whilst trying to enter my PIN, and then she bolted! Like a whippet she was gone, shrieking with excitement she darted from the vice like grip of my knees, arms flailing as she rounded the corner and out of my sight. Now I'd like to say I saw the funny side of this, but unfortunately I cannot. I freaked out and I began to chase, I abandoned my card, my goods, my dignity as I rounded the corner and promptly fell over...yes that's right, I fell over. I can't remember the last time I fell over, oh the shame, and the pain as I considered the possibility that I had broken my leg . LV witnessed the fall and she knew the game was over, she sheepishly moved towards me as I tried to tell her off without crying. I was furious, livid, she knew....I limped back to the till with LVs hand in mine as she attempted to release it, but she will learn that a furious mothers grip is relentless, there's no escaping it, we've all experienced it, I refer to it simply as 'mum grip'. Needless to say there was no Nero, there were tears, there was an awkward walk home and there's a new years more patient. LV misbehaved, but I was mainly furious because I was in pain...if I hadn't have chased with such panic maybe she would have just come back, I mean there's no point in running if you're not being chased...then it's just exercise! So, this year I will be more patient and I will avoid falling over at all costs. Xo.